I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How's work?
Spinning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
