Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
