K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
