Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize