Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
