Just cropdusted the office
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
