drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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