Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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