Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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