Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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