Jerry, you need to find god
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
