three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm too high and old for this...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
