Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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