How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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