You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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