oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
