just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize