He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
