I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
