just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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