Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize