Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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