Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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