you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
