I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize