Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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