New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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