They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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