mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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