Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
