Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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