Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
