well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
