you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize