I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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