i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
