Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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