you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize