we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
