and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
