Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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