I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize