You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
