i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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