What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
