We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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