Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize