At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
