i think my mom watched the whole time
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
