I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
