Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
