By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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