I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
