why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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