im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
