I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
