Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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