just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize