Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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