I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
