theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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