just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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