I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
