the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
