i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
