I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My dick has a subreddit
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