Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
