I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
