the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize