I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
