Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
