why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
