Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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