I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
