Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
