I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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