do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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