it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well you can't waste a boner
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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