I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The air was thick with penises
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
