How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
