I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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