I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
