Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
