just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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