i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
