TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
