dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
