I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
