if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
