come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
