i think i have two assholes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
