She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
