can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize