And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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