Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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