Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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